Open Paths

So recently I have been doing a lot of soul searching. Things have been changing in my life being quite chaotic and amazingly wonderful at the same time. But within all of this there have been a few things coming up that have cut to my core belief of who I am, and where I'm going. I'm not entirely happy with the person that over the past year or so I've become. Things are different and not so much for the better. Yet I'm still moving forward and not going to let circumstances dictate my future. Life isn't worth it if I let that happen. Where all of this is coming to is the realization that there are some people in my life who in hindsight haven't been influencing me in a positive way, rather I feel like they are dragging me down the road that fits their perspective and not mine. I have listened to their voices and followed in their ways and because of that the person I was has become stolen and replaced with a shade that is meant to look like everyone else. Slowly I believe that I'm going to get out of this mess, but I fear along the way some friendships and some stories will have to come to a close. And new chapters of my life will have to open up and begin. For me this is scary because I'm not Mr. Social, mainly due to my major and way of living. But it will be for the best if I become the person I'm meant to be, living the life that has been so graciously given to me. For now, this is the road I must walk, the burden I must carry.

Be Somebody

"Be Somebody"

I’m just the boy inside the man, not exactly who you think I am
Trying to trace my steps back here again, so many times
I’m just a speck inside your head, you came and made me who I am
I remember where it all began, so clearly

I feel a million miles away, still you connect me in your way
And you created me, something I would’ve never seen
When I can only see the floor, you made my window a door
So when they say they don’t believe, I hope that they see you and me
After all the lights go down, I’m just the words you are the sound
A strange type of chemistry, how you’ve become a part of me
And when I sit alone at night, your thoughts burn through me like a fire
You’re the only one who knows, who I really am

We all wanna be somebody, we just need a taste of who we are
We all wanna be somebody, we’re willing to go but not that far

And we’re all see through, just like glass
And we can shatter just as fast
That light’s been burned out for a while, I still see it every time I pass
It was lost in the coldness of my mind, behind a box of reasons why
I never doubted it was there, just took a little time to find
And even when...

I feel a million miles away, still you connect me in your way
And you created me, something I would’ve never seen
When I can only see the floor, you made my window a door
So when they say they don’t believe I hope that they see you and me
After all the lights go down, I’m just the words you are the sound
A strange type of chemistry, how you’ve become a part of me
And when I sit alone at night, your thoughts burn through me like a fire
You’re the only one who knows, who I really am

We all wanna be somebody, we just need a taste of who we are
We all wanna be somebody, we’re willing to go but not that far
We all wanna be somebody, we just need a taste of who we are
We all wanna be somebody, we’re willing to go but not that far

I’m just the boy inside the man, not exactly who you think I am
Trying to trace my steps back here again, so many times
When I can only see the floor, you made my window a door
So when they say they don’t believe, I hope that they see you and me

The Place Between

I do not know how to describe that place between the waking and the sleeping, between the brink of reality and the threshold of a dream. Entering through the impossible doorway was not what I thought it would be. At first it seemed as if the world had turned itself inside out, things were spinning, and lights surrounded me as I walked through. Then as if a rubber band snapped upon my skin, things turned. I saw the light up ahead of what I had saw when I opened the door but things seemed to be slipping. It felt as if the world and the space that I now occupied wanted to eject me back out the way that I came. In that moment of realization of what was happening; I started running toward the exit. The farther along I traveled the path became more so like ink. Making it harder to run; harder to move. Soon I was grabbing and clawing my way to the exit with every fiber of my being I wasn’t going to let go, I had come so far that to fail now would be totally unacceptable. It felt like hours, but I knew it had only been minutes, and that I only had a brief moment before the door would close. Like someone before me, if I did not make it; I would be doomed to live an eternity between the confines of this darkness and bare the load that it holds. To keep its secrets, to solve its mysteries, and like the one before; the realization of the place that I was in would turn me into a monster of my former self. But there was no time for any of these thoughts to plague my mind. There was only one objective for me now, get to the door, and find my star. With one final heave of my might determined to be my last break for freedom, or my last judgment, I hurled myself toward the door. As if all time stood still I watched slowly as the opening became smaller and smaller until at the last moment. My hand had grabbed onto the bottom frame of the door, stopping it from fully closing. I had succeeded pulling myself through what was left I had conquered the place between. A simple man before, a man of meaningless power, and weak ambitions I was no more. I have the power to create the connections. I have the power to travel the expanses between the points. I have the power to be free. The power to find what was lost. I have the power to be the real me, not just a shadow.

The Great Training Begins

As quickly as the sleep found me it deserted me the same and I awoke to a startle. I was still a little groggy and it seemed as if a thousand light bulbs were all shining ahead of me, twirling and swirling and dancing all around me. And then everything snapped straight.

“Welcome back to the world of the living boy.” Rasped Fryll, “You’ve been asleep for quite a while, I apologize but there were matters me and Calminaion needed to discuss and I figured that after a long journey you would need the rest. Especially for today.”

“What do you mean, especially for today?”

“Well my boy, I’ve made a decision, I’m going to train you. We can’t have a Cerediron running around who doesn’t know how to use his powers.”

As he said those last words Fryll walked over to a chest in the far corner of the room, apparently the lights were a way of travel here, because we no longer were in the library study room, but now in a great hall surrounded by tall stained glass windows that glowed greens and blues, with candles of every shape and size lining the perimeter of the room. There were no doors in nor were there any ways out that I could see. Probably to make sure that we weren’t disturbed, or I give up and try to leave. As I was taking in the sudden grandness of the room, Fryll rustled through his chest and with a great “Aha!” he pulled out a bracelet unlike anything I had ever seen before.

It was golden with what looked like silver grain within it similar to that of a tree. It was round and simple but yet it had a dull green glow; and had an engraving of a small dragon with ruby eyes that seemed to stare right into you upon the faceplate.

“It’s called the Dragon’s Force. It’s an enchanted bracelet that will aid us in your training, here stick out your hand.”

And so I did, I was expecting Fryll to unlatch some hidden clasp and put it on me but the most curious thing happened. As if on cue the bracelet unwound itself and in the shape of a dragon flew around the room and surrounded itself around my right hand.

“Now then the dragon’s force is something of great value. First off it will only bond with one person and one person only during its phase. That’s you. The second thing that makes it special is that it will not come off until an eternity has passed. And Third...”

“Wait an Eternity?? What do you mean? I’ll be wearing this, the rest of my life??”

“Boy just listen and let me finish, all will be made known to you in due time. As I was saying, thirdly it grants the wearer the ability to live for an eternity. That’s what is truly remarkable about it and what is crucial for your training.”

“You’ve got to be kidding, I have everlasting life?”

“No everlasting life is life that last forever, you on the other hand have a life now for at least an eternity. There’s a difference.”

Thinking on this made my head spin. I think Fryll may have lost a few marbles along the way, but hey maybe there’s a reason for all of this.

“Alrighty boy, now that you will live for an eternity, and I’m Immortal, we can begin. First Lesson: This place is special, time doesn’t flow in a straight line as you are used to, and rather it is like a soup all jumbled up into a big ol’ mess. What I want you to do; is to find a way to the Hills of Teneheldrin when the tree at the very top bloomed. Fetch me that blossom and bring it here and your first lesson will be complete.”

“Ok? Now how am I supposed to do that?”

“Well now, if I told you everything what would you learn?”

“I don’t even know where to begin!”

“You begin with that book; in it are some pages about this place, use those pages to make your path. I have business to attend to but I leave you a companion.”

Reaching into his cloak, Fryll pulled out a small smooth pebble not much bigger than a quarter. Blowing on it and whispering an unknown word in a foreign language the stone seemed to take a breath and slowly grew until it was about a foot high, had two legs, and what could only be described as a strange little head.

“This is Demeythos; he will join you on your journey and provide anything that you need, other than the solution.” With this he turned to leave, but not without turning and saying with a glimmer in his eye, “Paper and ink are in the cabinet over there. You will need it.”

With that Fryll disappeared into a cloud of small specks of light that fluttered into the air and dispersed.

So there it was, I began a journey in school, left school, only to find myself about to take the hardest class I’ll ever know, wearing the Dragon’s Force, granting life for an eternity, and of course on top of all of that; a pet rock. I thought things couldn’t and wouldn’t get any stranger but they did.

Fryll was right when he said that within the book I’d find the pages that would help lead me on the path, the only problem was I had no idea how to create the gateway.

“I figure you don’t know how I’m supposed to make a gateway to here?” I said as I pointed to the book.

Demeythos looked up at me, made a cooing sound and hobbled over to the closet full of the supplies that Fryll pointed out before he left.

“Maybe you are helpful and not just a, rock.”

As I walked over and opened up the cabinet and began pulling out sheets of paper, pens, and pencils of all shapes colors and sizes, I didn’t notice the new page that was being created within the book.  The page that explained everything about how to make a gateway, I finally took notice of it after a few rough attempts at trying to “create” a gateway of some sort to no avail.

On the page in the book, it showed a wall covered with sheets of paper that seemed all patch worked together to create a massive door. The curious thing though, was that it seemed like the door was opening from the papers. In that moment I knew what I had to do.

I started pulling sheets of paper, taping gluing, drawing, inking, coloring, the doorway that suddenly became clear in my mind, and what seemed like days finally came together. As I put up the last sheet of paper, the doorknob, it seemed as though the room shifted a bit. Then as I knew what would happen I grabbed the handle and pushed the new doorway open.

Turning to Demeythos, “Come on boy, it looks like we have a tree to find.” And so began the quest to find the impossible blossom.

Part 3 - A chance meeting of strange fellows

“Hello?”

The voice haunting and eerily familiar startled me so much that I almost fell backwards. Turning to face the voice I was surprised to see someone not so much taller than 4 feet yet homely looking. The dwarf looked like he had seen many things, been on many adventures which some seemed to have left their marks on his rough hands and face. He was dressed in a drab brown work suit, goggles hanging around his neck, and a strangely looking axe over his shoulder, it looked like a cross between a pick axe and a woodcutting one.

“Well now you look like a curious fellow,” the stranger bluntly spoke. “Where do you come from, there is nothing out here but desert and the occasional…dwelling. Your kind does not simply survive out here easily.”

“I seem to be lost sir, I went through the door, and the next thing I knew I ended up here. Wherever here is. I really don’t know what is going on. My name is Desmond, and you are?”

“Calminaion, 9^th commander of the Dwarven Scouts. Pleasure to meet you, Desmond you said. Hmm that name sounds familiar. Well either way you said you came through a door and you are here. I wonder…”

“What is it? You don’t seem to find it strange that I came through a doorway and then I turned up in the desert…” Thinking to myself I could hardly believe it myself, it seemed as though the life that I once was living was just a dream and this place with the thick hot air and the piercing sun was somehow more alive. It felt as though the lands themselves were breathing in the heat and living like some kind of animal. And here I was talking to this dwarf,  a DWARF, this is the thing of fairy tails and yet it doesn’t feel out of place, back home I would have thought I was crazy, maybe I was and this was just a delusional dream. But it feels so real, so tangible that I can’t shake the feeling that I’ve been here before. But How?

“Come Boy, I fear we are not alone and it is not safe to stay here much longer. There is a man I think you should meet. If you really did come through a door into this world then HE is the one you must speak to. HE has the answers to your questions I believe. Come now let us go.” With that he turned and started walking towards the mountains. Without hesitation I picked up my bag, took a look back at the door, which it seemed I was the only one who could see it, and as I started following Calminaion it seemed as though the door slowly began to fade into nothingness.

It seemed like we walked for an eternity, the mountains slowly growing closer and bigger more ominous than I had originally thought. They seemed to have this haze that never left them, even with the heat of the sun it seemed as though a fog was attached and part of the range. The dwarf spoke a little along the way, speaking of his home Galandryll, his family the Ironaxen, and this world Asperion as it is called. He said that the desert used to be a great forest filled with trees of all kinds, rivers as blue as sapphire, and lakes as cool as snow. But in ages past a traveler came and with him came destruction. The dwarves contrary to the belief and myth that I knew in my world, funny  I refer to home as my world, were actually great woodcutters and craftsmen, not miners, but when the “Great Destructor” came things changed, the dwarves created scouting clans, created large underground Cities, mined all through the world that they lived. Stone became their wood, and from that they created a new civilization for themselves from the ashes of the destroyed world that used to have so much life.

“Don’t worry boy, you look tired, but we are almost there just a little farther.”

“Where is it that you’re taking me?”

“The seer, he is the one who knows more about everything than anybody. He is a good old friend of mine and it so happens that when I ran into you, I was on my way to meet with him to discuss another matter. It seems that the stars of fate have crossed and linked our meeting.”

“Hmm, a seer. And I guess so. Look there is something that has been bothering me from the start.”

“Speak your mind boy.”

“Did you see the door when we met? It was ten feet from me but as we started this journey when I looked back it seemed to have faded and then disappeared from the spot.”

“There was no door, boy. But as I thought You are, Unique. The Seer will be able to answer your questions better than I, and here we are Fryllandrial, Home of the Seer.”

Fryllandrial, a strange but fitting name for the place we came upon. Before us was a great tree which seemed to span endlessly into the sky, shrouded by the strange mists that clung to the mountain, In the tree were multiple houses and patios bridges connecting one to another, all around the tree. The tree itself was a strange one in itself, the bark had a dull gold glow eminating from its dark brown bark. The leaves were as large as my hand, and were a strange combination of greens, blues, and oranges. This gave the tree a look as though its leaves were on fire glowing gold with oranges and blues that swayed with the light breeze. This place felt like a place out of time, separate from the happenings and the events of the world it was located in.

This place is special you best not disturb the peace.

The thought popped into my head out of nowhere, I knew it was not my voice or the voice I heard before, this one was deep, it felt as though it penetrated deep into my being. Piercing through the darkness and crevices of my mind, searching it seemed to find something lost, hidden, terrible.

You are special boy. The darkness seems to not have noticed you yet, nor realized what power you hold deep within your soul. You may enter.

“Greetings friends, I’m sorry about the search, but these days I cannot tolerate any of the darkness in this place.”

Standing before us was a man or being I’m not quite sure how to describe Him, He seemed to tower over me and Calminaion by a good three feet or more with a long white beard that was as long as he was tall. His eyes were a strange sight, instead of round pupils his looked as though two ovals were overlapped one on top of another creating a strange shape that had strange colors glowing around them, his eyes were such a sight that I could barely turn my gaze.

“Come friends we have much to discuss, and you seem weary from your journey. I have refreshments already prepared in the living room. Follow me.”

“Seer, He knew we were coming since we first met.” Calminaion said as he gave me a slight nudge and a chuckle.

The Seer walked into a doorway and led us up a flight of stairs that wrapped around the trunk of the tree and it went up and up into the air until we came upon a platform that appeared to hold a great study, with plush chairs, three to be exact, and on the walls books stacked onto shelves as high as the ceiling.

“Here Desmond, take this seat, We have much to discuss.”

“Wait how did you..?”

“Seer, remember He sees everything knows everything that has happened and some of what is to happen.” Calminaion bluntly muttered.

“My name is Fryll, and son you seem to be an important individual to what is to happen. For one who came through the door, you seem to not know much about what drew you to us here.”

“Well yes, I don’t understand anything that has happened, one second I’m flipping through this book, the next a doorway appears as it is being drawn into the book by some unknown force, I can’t pull myself away from it and then open the door and the next thing I know I’m in the middle of a desert. Yes, this makes sense and I should understand everything already.” I knew it was a bit harsh but after walking hours and the mystery of my plight had finally hit the wall and now I wanted answers.

“A book you say, hmm. They had one too I wonder if it made…” His voice trailed off as he closed his eyes as if he were thinking and trying to grasp onto a distant memory of a chance meeting long before. Then suddenly his eyes snapped open, full of fire, full of mystery, full of intrigue. “YOU! You. You. How can it be, its been an eternity and yet you are only a boy. They came…” Again his voice trailed off. “I’m sorry but I was gravely mistaken as to who you ARE my boy, it appears that there is hope for us after all.”

“What do you mean?”

“What I mean is that you my boy are special, a rare individual indeed. You are a Cerediron, a world builder. You can make words with a pen and a paper. The door is your gateway to those worlds. You are an orphan I take it, you never met your parents, you don’t know what happened to them. Well they were the last of the Cerediron and fled from the darkness. But in you I see something greater than the power they held.”

“Wait you knew my parents, what happened to them, where are they, I’m a Cerediron!” The words came stumbling out of my mouth, but as I was speaking the words the world around me started to spin, and slowly everything faded to black. When everything was gone a voice spoke to my mind.

Sleep, your journey is beginning; you will find your answers. Sleep.

The words hung in my mind, and then ever peacefully I accepted the darkness and slept.

New Year, New Me, Craziness!!!

The title of this post sounds like it should have been posted last month, but you know better late then never. Currently life has been absolutely crazy, I've pulled 17-20 hour days at least once a week or so to finish projects. Started working weekends at camp again. I've started an internship at camp, working with the digital side of things, so mostly web stuff, which is always fun, and lots of things like that. What this all boils down to is: I HAVE NO FREE TIME OR SOCIAL LIFE!!! Oh wait that's really not that new haha.

All in all I couldn't be happier with how some things are going, while at times other things keep popping up and creating some stress and confusion as to where I am at in life, but I am always moving forward trying not to look back.

10 Things I have Learned over the past few weeks:

1. Learning multiple programming languages at the same time is not a great idea.
2. The past is the past and you have to set your gaze on the future and start walking there.
3. There's always a reason for things, small things are connected to bigger things.
4. Taking a first step into something new, seems scary to the mind, but easier in practice when you just go do it.
5. Enjoy every moment that you are given with someone.
6. Realize true friendships are ones that grow and build you up, not ones that try to choke you and hold you back.
7. Moving on is hard, but worth it in the end.
8. Build on relationships you have now; it's like a tree, build up the roots and the rest of the plant will grow and bud into something amazing.
9. You learn by doing.
10. The road may be long and narrow and confusing, but along the way adventures will find you, friends will aid you, and battles will be fought, won, and lost but the memories and experiences make you strong and form you into the person that God created you to be.

Well this is pretty much all I have for now, well that I can write about right now anyways ;) but I hope to e able to update this blog more often and get into the habit of writing more. Until next time, find your adventure and live it!!!

Adventure Will Always Find You

So today I just had an amazing experience. I worked at the Leadership Center with a mens retreat group, and had a total blast. They had an amazing attitude and created a very wonderful working environment. But this wasn't what made it so much fun, when it came time to debrief the activities with them, I barely had to say a single thing. They went super deep into why we do the things that we do, how we can also apply that to life in a christian sense. One of the major things brought up in the morning was patience. How we had to learn to be patient in this life, that when we try to rush through things in a hurry we make mistakes, we stumble, we fall. But when we turn things over to God and wait on him, things work out in a way that we couldn't even imagine.

Just after this, we did a few activities; a group climbing wall and one called stump garden. I had the honor of climbing with one of the last groups due to them needing one more person. Through some struggle and assistance, I made it to within about five feet from the top of the wall, far higher than I have ever made it on any of our other climbing elements. And for the first time, I had no fear. No fear of falling, no fear of being pretty high up, no fear of failure. THIS was just an amazing thing, for years I have always been crazy scared of heights and this time I faced it and succeeded in something that just boggles my mind when I think about it. After thinking about it later on when I had some free time driving home, the entire time my rope was tight. The second I made it a little higher it was tight. If I fell a little to try and switch feet it was tight. When I was trying to come down, it was tight. And in relection I thought about how this is so true with God. He holds us tightly when we are out of our comfort zones, he protects us, and gives us strength when we need it most. We might not always feel that security right away, but its there. I know for the first half of the climb I never noticed how tight the rope was and how secure it was. It was only when I neared the top that I started to pay attention to it, and realized how in control everything was.

But this was not the end of the day. We ended our session with what we call the man hike trail. It's a pretty basic trail at camp that winds around the Ghost Creek Valley snaking its way down to the river. Once there, you hike along right next to the river for a little ways through mud, over streams that you have to jump across, past burrs and thorns, through tall grass, under fallen trees, until you reach the hill. The main hill, the great hill, the mountain. At the top of this steep hill that has ropes hanging between trees to help those who dare challenge it get up it, lies the mountaintop and the satisfaction of accomplishing a great feat. For this part of the journey that I've only been able to make two other times, I decided I would do something different for myself. This time I would challenge myself to make it up this great mountain, without using the ropes that makes this challenge much easier. And as I scurried, crawled, slipped, dug in, pulled on roots, jumped on trees, and clawing the ground. I made it to the top. This was the great satisfaction that I needed, I accomplished something Great! But what brought this all back to home for me was, in the group of men, we had a slightly older man joining us on the journey. And as he struggled his way up the hill, everyone was helping him cheering him on, and giving him what they could. A few times we became worried that he wasn't going to make it, that his health was becoming an issue, but all of these worries melted away as he got to the top and everyone cheered. In reflection on this afternoon, how true is this climb for us in life. We struggle, we dig in, dig deep, to try and reach the place that God wants us to be at. Even if we are weak, or strong, or big, or small, or young, or old, we can still make it. We just have to give it all to God, and he will give us the strength to make it just one more step, one more toil, one more mile, one more struggle, until we reach the top and are greeted by his Presence.

Today just was an amazing day so long, so fruitful, so draining, and so struggling, but ALL worth it. Again just to bring things into prespective, this was the verse of the day on my phone:

"But don't forget to help others and to share your possessions with them. This too is like offering a sacrifice that pleases God." Hebrews 13:16 (CEV)

Remember: Live the Adventure...Everyday.


One of my new favorite spots at camp: